There is some speculation that our new friend Rampersad might be one of us. Or, it might be a little more nefarious. We need to dig deep in the the psyche to determine who he is. I think I know how this whole thing played out:
"So, Lieutenant Harishenko, you are here for the test for Cryptological Officer no?"
"Yes Comrade Colonel."
"Take this. What does this say?"
"I don't have a clue! I can't make any sense of this! It looks like, like, Chinese to me!"
"You pass Lieutenant, it is Chinese. You start this afternoon. So tell me, what was your previous assignment?"
"I was missile fire control officer."
"Impressive, what was the exam like for that position?"
"Very difficult, Comrade Colonel. You match picture of air defense missile with picture of airplane. Failure to match picture of air defense missile with airplane immediate disqualification!"
"Good, good, your history of service to the Motherland is to be regarded. Your first assignment, lead your team to gather more information on the American society."
Harishenko slumped back in to his torn vinyl reclining chair sipping a small cup of strong expresso, his glazed eyes focused past the seated Sergeant Gorcheb, wondering how he is going to accomplish his mission.
"Comrade Lieutenant, sir, there is no 'x' in 'expresso'" Gorcheb stated.
"Don't question my drink! We are not in Italy! Now do you understand your assignment?"
"Yes Comrade Lieutenant. I am to determine characteristics of American society. No problem. I ask GRU, they know everything."
"No GRU, cannot be trusted. We are Secret Cryptological Ministry. We no need GRU."
"Okay then I ask my sister Elena in California."
"No Sister Elena, we no allowed personal communication. You have desktop computer and Internet as resource. Start with what all Americans like to do. Their hobbies."
"Like what? American eat cheese burger and oppress junior labor members."
"They like to fly airplane."
"Private citizen fly F15 and C130 aircraft? I heard many story but..."
"No, no, remember as a child the Little Vlade books?"
"Yes! Yes! Little Vlade ride choo choo train my favorite! Little red train with smiley face!"
"Remember book Little Vlade ride ariplane?"
"Yes! Yes! Little red airplane with smiley face!"
"Those. I recommend find Internet forum, for the little pilots that fly little red planes. They don't have to be red. They can be other colors."
"Okay, but, I need, Internet handle. If they know I Russian, NSA will be all over me."
"Pretend to be something else. Maybe, African."
"No. Too many black people in America, they will see through that."
"Ahhh East Indian! Yes, I choose East Indian handle. The average American believe Indian wear feather hat and belong in stockade to be oppressed. NSA not care, they worry about other things. So I need a name that I can abbreviate to an aviation topic handle."
"How about Wingal 'Wing' Vishnu?"
"Too obvious. Need more subtile."
"Ahhhh....aaaahhhh! Rampersad 'Ramp' Haribhai!"
"Perfect!"
"So, Lieutenant Harishenko, you are here for the test for Cryptological Officer no?"
"Yes Comrade Colonel."
"Take this. What does this say?"
"I don't have a clue! I can't make any sense of this! It looks like, like, Chinese to me!"
"You pass Lieutenant, it is Chinese. You start this afternoon. So tell me, what was your previous assignment?"
"I was missile fire control officer."
"Impressive, what was the exam like for that position?"
"Very difficult, Comrade Colonel. You match picture of air defense missile with picture of airplane. Failure to match picture of air defense missile with airplane immediate disqualification!"
"Good, good, your history of service to the Motherland is to be regarded. Your first assignment, lead your team to gather more information on the American society."
Harishenko slumped back in to his torn vinyl reclining chair sipping a small cup of strong expresso, his glazed eyes focused past the seated Sergeant Gorcheb, wondering how he is going to accomplish his mission.
"Comrade Lieutenant, sir, there is no 'x' in 'expresso'" Gorcheb stated.
"Don't question my drink! We are not in Italy! Now do you understand your assignment?"
"Yes Comrade Lieutenant. I am to determine characteristics of American society. No problem. I ask GRU, they know everything."
"No GRU, cannot be trusted. We are Secret Cryptological Ministry. We no need GRU."
"Okay then I ask my sister Elena in California."
"No Sister Elena, we no allowed personal communication. You have desktop computer and Internet as resource. Start with what all Americans like to do. Their hobbies."
"Like what? American eat cheese burger and oppress junior labor members."
"They like to fly airplane."
"Private citizen fly F15 and C130 aircraft? I heard many story but..."
"No, no, remember as a child the Little Vlade books?"
"Yes! Yes! Little Vlade ride choo choo train my favorite! Little red train with smiley face!"
"Remember book Little Vlade ride ariplane?"
"Yes! Yes! Little red airplane with smiley face!"
"Those. I recommend find Internet forum, for the little pilots that fly little red planes. They don't have to be red. They can be other colors."
"Okay, but, I need, Internet handle. If they know I Russian, NSA will be all over me."
"Pretend to be something else. Maybe, African."
"No. Too many black people in America, they will see through that."
"Ahhh East Indian! Yes, I choose East Indian handle. The average American believe Indian wear feather hat and belong in stockade to be oppressed. NSA not care, they worry about other things. So I need a name that I can abbreviate to an aviation topic handle."
"How about Wingal 'Wing' Vishnu?"
"Too obvious. Need more subtile."
"Ahhhh....aaaahhhh! Rampersad 'Ramp' Haribhai!"
"Perfect!"